Things To Be Grateful For.....

It just seems like such an appropriate title for me right now. I didn't really have anything inspire me enough last week to want to write about. It actually would have come off as more of a rant, and that is so not my style. There have been some challenges, delays, disappointments occuring as of late, and they have put an overcast on my usually sunny days. I have been learning a lot though; been trying to keep things in perspective. So in honor of all these "challenges" that have not-so-delicately attempted to throw off my inner balance, I have decided to dedicate this week's blog to all the things that I am grateful for in my life. In other words, I am fighting for my right to happiness!!!
I am grateful that:

~I have my health!
~I have the bravest, most wonderful and supportive mother in the whole world!
~I have an incredible family that consists of the most loving people I have ever known!
~I have amazing childhood friends that I still remain in close contact with till this day!
~I have great friends I met through high school/college and thereafter that have been my backbone through most of my challenges (and less is always more in this case)!
~I am SO grateful for those that do not belong in my life, for they make me love and appreciate the ones that do all that much more!
~I have a nice, little place in Los Angeles that I get to call home!
~I have a lovely car that has taken me all around Florida and even made it across countless state lines to get me safely to my destination!
~I have a fish that is my second in command - oh yes, he guards my apartment when I'm not home!
~I have two fat piggies that bring me tons of joy and laughter every day!
~I have the baddest and most loving little pooch that keeps my mom company!
~I have the best memories of a life I have no regrets about living!
~I have a fabulous survival job that allows me to do what I love and has introduced me to some of the loveliest people I have met in LA!
~I have been so fortunate to come across only good-intentioned and sweet people/actors in LA!
~I live in one of the most beautiful places in the United States!

And though I am sure there are plenty other things to be grateful for, I'll end this with:

~I am grateful that every day I find the strength to push myself to keep working towards my dreams!


And here's a little food for thought for all my quote fanatics:

“...If you work hard enough and assert yourself, and use your mind and imagination, you can shape the world to your desires." -Malcom Gladwell

Now can we all take a moment to talk about those Hunger Games tickets? Hahaha. Who's got tickets to opening night/midnight showing? Who wants tickets to the opening night/midnight showing? May the odds be ever in your favor ;-D

Nothing gold can stay.

Most of you know by now that my schedule is not the norm. I busy myself with workshops and training, to then stroll into work at the whopping hour of 11p.m. (when most of you are just getting your weekend started or ending your weeknights and heading to bed), and I take calls till about 7:30a.m. - rinse and repeat. I'm okay with the life I signed up for - sacrifices are made for dreams to develop, but this blog is not about my "survival" job nor is it about my dreams. Nope. I'm taking you all back just a bit to my childhood.

Mariah Carey. Michael Jackson. Paula Abdul. Whitney Houston. Gloria Estefan.

I think you may now know where I'm going with this. Well tonight, at about 11:15p.m. I was walking from one side of my building at work to the other to get ready to take my usual calls. As I'm crossing the breakroom area, I see Whitney on tv and think they must be running some kind of special on her - maybe on VH1 or MTV. No. CNN. Why is Whitney Houston playing on CNN? Odd. I walk into my breakroom area only to read the headline that Whitney Houston had died at the age of 48. Now, when I had first heard about Michael Jackson, it was from a close friend of mine and we had cried for about 10 minutes on the phone together. Hearing about Whitney at work just felt like the most inappropriate setting, and how I found out felt so impersonal; I just stood there frozen, not breathing for what felt like an eternity. I'm slowly coming to - I realize this is nothing of a surprise, but things like this never cease to shock me. Not because of the individual and their lifestyle choices, but because of the image and how I see them in my mind. I grew up listening, dancing, imitating, and dreaming to be like these idols of mine, and that ideal perfection I believed them to all possess is how I still associate them to be till this day. So it is not just a loss in the world of music or public/influential figures, but it is a loss of my childhood. My innocence. I feel as though the sparkly bubble of my youth is slowly being burst, only to find that it was just a sticky, soapy mess flying everywhere. The one good thing about all this is their contribution to this crazy world we live in. Regardless of how they lived their personal lives or the choices they made that so many will sit back and judge them for, no one can deny the "get on your feet and dance" feeling you get when you hear a classic MJ song play or the awe and sheer amazement you feel when you hear Whitney belting out some insane note you know you couldn't hit if someone kicked you in your nalgas. They provided me with something that only those with the gift of a true artist could provide - Hope - a message that transcends all races, religions, ages, and ethnicities. It's the same in every language, and in every place of the world.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

-Robert Frost (1923)

What I'm really reflecting on here are the most influencial artists that helped shape my life and my choices, perhaps not in the day to day ritual type stuff, but most definitely in the artistic sense of who I feel I am as an actress/artist/entertainer. It would be a shame to not pay tribute to them and the special gifts they have left me with.

So, hug your loved ones tighter, love your family and friends harder, and live your life each day as if it's the only day that could ever matter.

That is all. Love & Light.

A Little Q & A with Denisse....

So, I was pleasantly surprised that people came through and asked some really great questions! I had to contemplate on each for a bit to figure out what would be the best way to respond to each. You asked....so now here are the questions that made the cut this week:

1. Janine in Miami asked: "Why LA over Chicago/NYC? I ask because at grad school auditions, you talked about moving to Chicago."
-That is a VERY good question - and though I immediately knew the answer, it took me a bit to think of how to approach the answer, how to put it into words.... I'm giving it my best shot.... So, there was this guy.... hahaha. No, but really, there was this guy I was dating while I was in Tampa which was after my grad school auditions. Granted I FELL IN LOVE with Chicago and DREAMED of moving there to study at the infamous Second City, but alas, we make plans and life likes to throw a wrench at them. I'll get back to the guy, but let me start with my love for Chicago/NYC.... I had spent a summer in NYC and studied in Chelsea, lived in the upper west side (I know, cha-ching), and had the whole auditioning thing DOWN! I was a regular at the Equity house, knew my way all around Ripley-Grier and Chelsea Studios. I became a pro at squeezing in auditions between my workshops, and somehow managed to see a ton of shows and enjoy the city. I promised myself I'd go back, and I did that same September with my great friend Corinne. I was a sucker for NY. Now moving on to Chicago... I went twice for grad school auditions - first year with my amazing friend Morgan, and second year with some of the best people I know (which includes YOU Janine <3). It was a mix of all the art, the friendly people, the NY-like atmosphere but at a slower pace, Second City, Art Institute, I could go on and on and on.... There are so many reasons I fell in love with Chicago and I named it my future home. So when did that change? Back to the boy and Tampa, hahaha. Once I graduated college, I left that summer and moved in with my mom to save money for Chicago. NYC was enticing, but was I prepared to be a musical theatre actress, living out of a suitcase, or singing in hole in the wall cabaret clubs to make a dime? Sadly enough, no. If I didn't have to worry about having stability then I would have in a heartbeat. If I was in my early 20's, I would have in a heartbeat, but I feel that train had passed and I needed to look towards where I wanted my career to go rather than where it was. So I moved, got a "real" job and started having a life. No theatre, no rehearsals, no auditions, just life. I had a stable job, my own apartment, tons of extra cash to spend/save/splurge and eventually came the boy. It was kinda nice. And I admit, my dreams of acting went dormant for a bit. Just a bit. They came back louder and stronger than ever, and being that I was dating someone I saw myself with for the long haul, I asked his opinion of where he would possibly move to (suuuuper hypothetically). NYC was a no. Chicago, an even bigger no. So where else was there for me??? Los Angeles??? And I remember his exact words to this day, "I could do Los Angeles." Everything that came after that was a blur. But it wasn't just him, or his words. It seemed that my life had suddenly taken a huge shift in a direction I had NEVER seen it going. Yes, I had aspiration to be on sitcom tv and eventually do film, but I was supposed to go to Chicago first and study at Second City, get some experience under my belt, then MAYBE move to LA if I felt ready. It was at that time that my friend Aaron had posted an article written by Jenna Fischer on her big break and being a working actor. There were two things she mentioned in that article that stuck out to me (and I will add the link here for your viewing pleasure) 1) If you're serious about your career and you want to be on tv//film, move to Los Angeles. 2) Buy the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron
So at this point I'm thinking, why am I going to Chicago when I really want to be in LA? Something deeeeeeeep inside me, my internal compass if you will, suddenly pointed out west. Way waaaaay out west, and I knew that I was going to end up in LA before I even came to terms with it. So that was that, finally on NYE Jan of 2011 I said out loud, and that makes ALL the difference when people hear you proclaim such a thing, I said I was going to move to LA by that summer. So I hustled and bustled and pinched and saved, and by nothing short of a MIRACLE had hit my monetary goal. And that was that. And here I am. I know this was a looooong, slightly drawn out answer to your question - but I felt that all details were necessary, because one thing led to another which led to my much impromptu decision for LA. And the best thing about my decision is that since I've been here, I've experienced everything from extreme excitement, joy, sadness, homesickness, aggrivation, impatience, and bliss - but not once, not even for a second - regret. And so if it was the boy that set this decision in motion or a greater power, I don't know, I'm just sure glad it happened.
The link to Jenna's article/blog: http://www.myspace.com/pambeesley/blog/141657788

2. Andrea in Miami asked: "Biggest regret?"
-I'm not one who really believes in regret per say because I see everything as a life lesson once experienced, but there are undeniably times in my life where in the moment or a bit after I would say, "Why did I/didn't I do that?" There are more than I care to name of those moments, hahaha, but I still wouldn't classify them as regrets. If I had to put a such a label on any of my life experiences, hands down, my only "regret" would be not enjoying enough quality time with my grandparents. I think about it quite often. They only visited a few times from Chile, and still I would always run off with friends, or go see that boy I liked, or have them take me to the mall to just say, "I'll meet you in the food court before we leave." I really wish I could have spent ALL my time I had with them, walking through the mall, holding my grandfather's hand, or getting ice cream with my grandmother. I miss them. They played such a huge role in molding me and shaping me into the person I have become, and I only hope they know just how much I love and appreciate all they have done for me.

3. Shavon in Tampa asked: "I've always been curious about this... Have you had problems getting a part due to tattoos?"
-This has to be one of the most prevalent questions I had from friends and family before making my venture out to LA. I will say that sometimes I feel as if I don't have enough tattoos for some roles! Hahaha. They have wonderful people called Make-Up artists that take care of that for people like me :) So far, all the things I've filmed (commercials as well as tv/film) out in LA, I haven't had to cover them up. For my theatre show either. Some directors/casting directors have even commented on how much they like my "ink". Not to say that it may not jeopardize some jobs, for example, certain print jobs that focus on the hands (hand models and such), but those don't really interest me. As a matter of fact, Directors, Producers, and most definitely Casting Directors out here want you to be YOU! And if that means you have a mohawk or tatts then that's exactly what they want you to be and be proud of it. My tattoos give me an edginess that opens up a whole new category/type that I now fall into. And it works because it's all a reflection of me. Thanks for asking this, Shavon, because I have been DYING to stomp out all the rumors and misconceptions about actors with tattoos - not to mention most actors in LA have them!

4. Jessica from Davie asked: "If you could go back to any period of your life, when would it be?"
-Suuuuuuuuuuper tough question. Like, super. Wow. I have had SO many great, no AMAZING times in my life. To choose just one? There are way too many to name, and I feel so blessed for just saying that. I'm going with the very first one that popped in my head. My summer in NYC. I had never been to NY, and with the cojones I have, I booked a flight, rented a flat for a few months, and just went. If I could relive that summer again and again and again, I would, at least another 3 or 4 times. Words could never do justice to all I experienced - and I will always remember that summer as being a HUGE turning point in my life. I made some friends for life, as well as it being the very first time ever that I realized, "I can do this. I can be an actress." Well, a working actress that is. Up until then I had only done community theatre or school shows, but that summer I was getting callbacks for regional tours, independent films, and local theatre - all paying gigs. So, I guess it's special because I truly found myself in NY, and nothing thereafter was ever the same. Plus, I met Kevin Spacey. Just saying :)

So that's my blog for this week, my lovelies. I hope you have all enjoyed my answers to your questions. They were honest, they were real, they were completely unfiltered, just like me. Till next time....

Love & Light!